I recently went on a cruise to Scandinavia with a parent. One of my closest friends lives in Oslo, and I really wanted to see them—especially because I’m planning to start looking for work in Norway at some point. That’s a very long-term project involving sponsors, immigration paperwork, and enough bureaucracy to keep several trees employed, but still.
Our first port was Kristiansand, Norway. We took an excursion to the old town and a cannon museum that had been a Nazi stronghold during World War II. It wasn’t my first choice. We had originally booked a train excursion, but it was canceled, so I scrambled to find a replacement.
The main thing I wanted to do in Kristiansand was visit Norli, one of Norway’s bookstore chains. Naturally, that became my first priority.
Finding a Norwegian book turned out to be more difficult than expected. Many of the books were in English, and a surprising number seemed to involve Harry Potter. I have had enough of J.K. Rowling to last the rest of my natural life, so I kept looking. Eventually, I found a novel that turned out to be book seven in a series. Fortunately, it appears to be fairly standalone.
After that, I became determined to buy shoes.
I had packed my ugliest pair of sneakers for the trip and immediately regretted it. While shopping, I stopped in one store where the salesperson assumed I was Norwegian.
Reader, I have been living off that compliment ever since.
I’ve been trying to teach myself Norwegian on and off for years, so having someone assume I was local felt fantastic.
Eventually, I found the shoes and then it was off to Oslo.
I won’t go into much detail about my visit with my friend. Some things are allowed to remain private. 😉
What I will say is that a surprising amount of Oslo was shut down because the president of India was visiting.
That is not a sentence I ever expected to write.
Despite that, I loved Oslo. After meeting up with my friend, parent and I headed to the cultural museum because I had one goal: see a stave church.
The museum ended up being one of the best museums I’ve ever visited, and I’ve been fortunate enough to visit places like the Louvre and the Rodin Museum. The grounds contain around 180 buildings from different regions and time periods throughout Norwegian history. I could easily have spent an entire day there.
Sadly, Oslo was also our last day in Norway.
One thing I’m especially proud of is how much Norwegian I actually attempted to speak. A few years ago, I would have been far too shy to try. This time, I used Norwegian whenever I could. Everyone was patient, and I even completed an entire transaction in Norwegian.
For someone who mostly learned through podcasts, books, and stubbornness, that felt like a victory.
Then we arrived in Denmark.
Our first stop was Copenhagen, where we spent the entire day at Tivoli Gardens. The rides were fantastic. Some of them are surprisingly old, and yet they remain incredibly fun.
Outside of Tivoli, though, I didn’t enjoy Copenhagen very much. I found the city dirtier than I expected, and nothing else really grabbed my attention.
Our final port was Skagen, where we took an excursion to Voergaard Manor and the supposedly idyllic town of Sæby.
The manor was interesting, although much of it remains a private residence, which limited what we could see.
The bigger frustration came later. We lost about thirty minutes in Sæby because several people on our excursion interpreted “be back on the bus by 11:00” as “return whenever your heart tells you.”
That was unfortunate because Sæby ended up being the more interesting stop. I would have happily spent more time wandering around there.
As for the cruise itself?
This was my second cruise, and I suspect it will also be my last.
The vegan food options were disappointing. The food wasn’t terrible, but when I’m paying cruise prices, I expect meals that are better than what I can make at home. For a buffet that seemed to stretch across half the ship, there were usually only two or three vegan options available, most commonly lentil curry or eggplant.
At one point there was vegan gravy but no vegan mashed potatoes.
I still haven’t recovered from the confusion.
Finding decent food became a daily challenge, which was a major disappointment.
And, of course, there is one unavoidable feature of cruises.
People.
So many people.
Gross.
Cèilidh Nam Freumhan 
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